Rein Hellfire's Ramblings
by Rein Hellfire
Summary: A place where I post the various random ideas that just refuse to go away. One-shots, story ideas, challenges... Stuff. Just a place that stores plot bunnies. Enjoy! Viewer discretion is advised.
1. Gil-ko in the Naruto-verse

**Rein Hellfire's Ramblings**

**A/N: Yo. Rein Hellfire here. This is... A new story. Or, let me be more specific. These are little snippets of what could POTENTIALLY be new stories. Basically, this is a little box of insanity where I post story snippits, one-shots that may become full-fledged, etcetera. Whether these ideas become actual fics or not is up to you, the reader, to decide.**

**Basically, I'm writing these things just for fun...**

**Enjoy, and remember. Sanity is overrated.**

**WARNING! The following fiction(s) contains the following:**

**Crack.**

**Emo-ness.**

**Bad humor.**

**Oc-ness.**

**Alternate universes.**

**Bashing.**

**Character death.**

**General stupidity.**

**Swearing, and crass language in general.**

**Ranting.**

**Illogical fights.**

**Idiot-balls.**

**Extremely long A/Ns.**

**And general insanity overall.**

**Viewer discretion is advised. Enjoy.**

**And one last thing: I don't own any anime or manga that is referenced or directly referred to in this story, nor do I own the characters, plot, etc. Basically, I don't own a single damn thing. Not even these ideas.**

Fail One: Gil-ko in the Naruto-verse

**Summary: I've read fan-fiction where Naruto is dark/evil/abandoned/god-like. I've read fan-fiction where Naruto is a girl, and I've read fan-fiction where Naruto gains Gilgamesh's powers. So, I've decided to combine the three. Because I roll like that.**

"You..." A blond haired girl dressed in elaborate armor was currently clenching her fist.

"MONGRELS!"

Immediately the inhabitants of the room collapsed in nervous wrecks from the sheer rage that the golden girl was exerting.

"Na... Naruko... Sama..." A frail red-haired man dressed in a black cloak with red clouds on it and rippled grey eyes choked out. "If you continue, the room will..."

"Nagato, these mongrels... They dare march into my kingdom, and they think they can order ME around? A king! They would dare... Impose orders upon a king!"

Naruko was a beautiful woman, about fifteen years old. She had the body of a goddess, that is to say, a perfectly proportioned figure, as well as an alluring, attractive face that was clearly beyond that of human limits. Her most notable traits? Her burning, crimson eyes that were clearly inhuman in their elegance, and the three whisker marks on each of her cheeks. She possessed beautiful golden hair, that cascaded down her shoulders and to her waist in a veritable waterfall of brilliance, and had a pair of solid gold earrings studded in each earlobe. To top this image, she was wearing golden armor that was quite provocative in nature, as if she were saying, 'look upon my splendid body all you want, and know that this is the form of your king'.

This person was Naruko. No last name, for said last name has been renounced. The King of Amegakure and Water Country, and self-proclaimed King that transcends all other Kings.

The reason why she was so pissed? The two insolent mongrels that were attempting to prostrate themselves before her, a blond-haired man with blue eyes that was wearing a white coat, and a red-haired woman. Her 'parents', Minato Namikaze and Kushina Uzumaki.

"Your... Your highness! Please forgive us, but, you are still our daughter, Naruko!" Minato choked out. "Please, come home!"

Naruko laughed. "Come home, the mongrel says. Come home?" She took a sip of wine from a nearby golden cup, then crushed said cup in a gauntlet clad fist, sending a starburst of red liquid to the floor.. "This is my kingdom. This is my home, this is where my subjects and treasures lie! You would dare... You would dare ignore this fact!"

"Naruko... We're sorry! Your brother is sorry! Please... Come home! We miss you!" Kushina cried.

The other people in the room sighed.

"Well, fuck." An orange haired man murmured. "I think her highness will be shedding the blood of many fools today."

"No shit." A blue-haired woman with a piercing on her lower lip whimpered. "I've never seen her so angry."

"Mongrels. As if pathetic beings like you could order me around. I will not listen to your inane requests and demands."

"But... But... Naru-"

"You will not speak my name! Fools! I should just kill you here and now, and be done with it!" The beautiful blond-haired girl snarled out these last words, exposing overly large canines, and made as if to grab an invisible blade.

That sent the remaining three people in the room to a frenzy.

"Naruko-sama! Reconsider!" Nagato cried out comically.

"Please! Your highness, the room will..." Yahiko begged, anime style tears dripping from his eyes.

"Your majesty, it would be inconvenient for you to shed the blood of these fools..." Konan spoke timidly.

Minato and Kushina were trembling on the floor. Their daughter was absolutely terrifying!

The red-eyed blond froze for a moment before lowering her hand. "My loyal retainers... Very well then. I shall spare the lives of these miserable mongrels, but that does not mean that I will listen to their inane drivel."

The three black-cloaked figures relaxed when they heard this.

"... However, I do not have anything better to do right now. Very well. Yahiko. Prepare my things, and your team's things. I shall be traveling to that cesspool of scums and villains it seems." She sniffed, almost condescendingly.

"Yes, your highness!" Yahiko bowed and scampered out of the room.

"As for the both of you... You will leave now. You will never set foot in my kingdom again, or I will rend you limb from limb. Do you understand!?" Naruko bellowed.

"Yes... Understood..." Minato croaked.

"Then get out."

With a golden flash of light, the Yondaime Hokage and his wife left.

"Honestly, of all times for those mongrels to show up, they have to do so after I have established my kingdom?" She sighed. "Konan! Nagato!

"Yes, your majesty?"

"Prepare your genin teams. It seems as if I will not be bored for the time being, if these... chunin exams are being held in Konoha."

"At once, Naruko-sama." Konan and Nagato bowed before shunshinning away.

"Hmmph. Those arrogant bags of flesh that are my 'parents' have yet to learn who their betters are it seems. No matter. I will simply have to show the entire world, just who their king is.

**A/N:**

**Yeah. Standard, read, review, and hit that button on the bottom of the screen. Oh, and send me your ideas. Who knows, they may become a reality!**

**Criticism is appreciated, so long as it's constructive.**

**Peace out.**


	2. Lancer of Zero

**A/N: I saw that this guy had sent me a prompt, so I thought to myself, why not. It seems interesting enough, and I have time to kill. So, why the hell not? Keep in mind, I write as a stress reliever, and for my own entertainment. I might make this a full story, but I'm not really a fan of Familiar of Zero, so it'll be hard coming up with quality material. I can try though. Rolling standard disclaimer now.**

**Yo. Rein Hellfire here. This is... A new story. Or, let me be more specific. These are little snippets of what could POTENTIALLY be new stories. Basically, this is a little box of insanity where I post story snippits, one-shots that may become full-fledged, etcetera. Whether these ideas become actual fics or not is up to you, the reader, to decide.**

**Basically, I'm writing these things just for fun...**

**Enjoy, and remember. Sanity is overrated.**

**WARNING! The following fiction(s) contains the following:**

**Crack.**

**Emo-ness.**

**Bad humor.**

**Oc-ness.**

**Alternate universes.**

**Bashing.**

**Character death.**

**General stupidity.**

**Swearing, and crass language in general.**

**Ranting.**

**Illogical fights.**

**Idiot-balls.**

**Extremely long A/Ns.**

**And general insanity overall.**

**Viewer discretion is advised. Enjoy.**

**And one last thing: I don't own any anime or manga that is referenced or directly referred to in this story, nor do I own the characters, plot, etc. Basically, I don't own a single damn thing. Not even these ideas.**

**Fail Two: Lancer of Zero**

**Familiar of Zero and Fate/Zero crossover.**

**Summary: In which a pink-haired brat summons a suave, handsome young fellow of Irish descent that wields two magical spears, that just so happens to be a famed warrior. Wait, what? Prompted by NIX'S WARDEN.**

Louise Françoise le Blanc de la Vallière knew for a fact that she was, as the plebeians say, screwed (How vulgar!). In fact, it was a certainty, an almost guaranteed outcome, that her failure was imminent.

She was Louise the Zero after all. The failure mage who could not conjure up the simplest of spells, the failure that could not perform any magic at all, period. The only thing she really excelled at was blowing things up.

The pink haired girl watched her fellow classmates summon their familiars, their bonded comrades. She watched Guiche de Gramont (The ignorant fop), in an over the top display, summon a mole. A mole. Well, it was something, at least.

She watched that busty, red-haired bronze-skinned Germanic woman (harlot), Kirche Augusta Frederica von Anhalt-Zerbst, summon a fucking SALAMANDER of all things. The minute her fellow student (Red-haired harlot) looked over in her direction, and winked condescendingly, Louise could feel her hand clench in a fist, knuckles tightening and turning white under the strain.

And then, the quiet Tabitha summoned a dragon, and Louise could feel her mood instantly taking a greater turn for the worse. If it was at rock bottom in the beginning, it had actually tunneled deep into the crust of misery and began working its way to the core of her negative feelings.

She was angry, scared, nervous. And she had every right to be, really. She was Louise the Zero, after all. A worthless mage. Would she even summon anything, if she could summon something?

With each consecutive summoning, Louise felt her heart grow heavier, and heavier and heavier. The smug look that Kirche was directing at her did not help matters. It didn't, not at all.

"Louise Françoise le Blanc de la Vallière!"

Hmm, was that her name that Professor Colbert had called out? It couldn't ha-

"Miss Vallière. We're waiting."

Well, fuck.

The pink-haired girl blushed furiously at the sniggers of her classmates, and struggled to maintain her composure.

"Ye-yes! Right away!" She managed to squeak out in a decidedly higher pitched voice than she would have liked.

She stepped forward, ignoring the milling crowd of her 'class-mates' (Jerks, the lot of them), and began to trace out the summoning circle that she would use to summon her familiar (Hopefully). It was a delicate process. One mis-traced line, one smudged circle, and a variety of things could happen. Nothing could happen, no familiar would be summoned (Bad, really bad scenario). On the other hand, the entire circle could also explode (Even worse).

All the while, the chatter continued.

"Isn't that the Vallière girl? Louise?" One girl 'whispered' in 'hushed' tones. (The bitch.)

"Er, no duh it's her. The Zero, huh." (Guiche, you are a fool.)

"She'll probably blow us all sky-high! Watch out!" (I'll get you back, Kirche.)

Eventually though, she finished, and sighed, putting away the piece of chalk she used to draw out the circle. This was it then. She was doing it, attempting to prove that she deserved her nobility. Louise had really only scraped by due to academic smarts. She was completely inept as a mage. Doesn't that sound like a certain pink-haired ninja we know?

In the village of Konohagakure no Sato, one Sakura Haruno sneezed, before bashing an orange wearing blond-haired boy over the head for 'Getting dust in her nose', and then trying to get a duck-haired brooder to fawn over her, with almost no success. Actually, no success.

Louise had to prove herself. She had to, she had to summon a familiar. Any idiot could the question was, would she be able to? She had book smarts in spades, but unfortunately zero magical talent. No, she had to summon a familiar. This was her last chance at redemption, a last chance to prove she was more than a mere nothing.

Of course, if she failed, she was 'screwed', as the plebeians put it (Still vulgar). Her mother would probably excommunicate her from the family, stripping her of her title, wealth, house... Everything. She was a strict mother.

The pink-haired girl took a deep breath. There was no room for failure. She had to succeed, she had to succeed. And with a newfound determination, the 'Zero', Louise Françoise le Blanc de la Vallière, began her incantation.

"My servant that existed somewhere in this vast universe, my divine, beautiful, wise, powerful servant, heed my call. I wish from to very bottom of my heart to add to my guidance and appear!"

Absolute silence. Then, the raucous laughter.

"AHAHAHAH! Nothing! She is a failure!"

"Wow, Louise! That's your familiar? A speck of dust? AHAHAHHA!

"What a loser, miss Zero."

Throughout the taunts, the laughter, the mocking, Louise kept a calm expression, though inside she was trembling in anger, and horror.

"Pr... Professor Colbert? Can I please try again?"

The bespectacled, balding professor sighed and shook his head, smiling a sad smile at the little girl.

"I'm sorry Louise. I cannot bend the rules that were set down oh so long ago."

That was it then. She had just had her most monumental and colossal failure. She really was a zero.

Then, the circle began to glow once more.

"Wha... What is this?"

"Run! It's gonna blow!"

"She's going to kill us all!"

"Pickles!"

Lightning hit the circle, lightning flashing out of the blue sky and into the courtyard, striking the magical circle. A massive cloud of dust was thrown up, a gust of wind blew, forcing many to cover their eyes lest they be blinded.

Louise hissed in pain as something burned its way into her right arm, some fiery brand scorching onto her skin, but she was a little more preoccupied with what she had just done.

Then, the dust settled, revealing a figure. A man. And what a man he was.

He was tall, very tall, with a lean figure, feline and graceful, yet chiseled and defined. He was wearing a teal jumpsuit that only served to accentuate his features, two spears that were wrapped in cloth, and a disarming smile. He possessed black hair, a mole under his eyes...

Louise swallowed as she noted that this man was undeniably handsome. Essentially, living eye-candy, almost as if there was a compulsion placed on his face to attract those of the opposite sex.

The handsome man bowed, surprisingly enough.

"Servant Lancer. I ask of you, are you my master?"

Lancer then noticed the position that he was in. He was NOT on Earth. He was NOT taking part in a war for the Holy Grail. And he was surrounded by many pubescent hormonal girls.

He did something completely out of character then, seeing as he was in a sticky place now, literally between a rock and a hard place.

"... Ah shit."

Immediately, everything went to hell shortly after those words were uttered.

**A/N: Aaand we're done. **

**So, that was how I interpreted the prompt given. Once again, thanks to ****NIX'S WARDEN for sending it in. **

******Once again, I may or may not continue this idea. It really depends on whether or not I'm in the mood. **

******So, send me your challenges, prompts, ideas, etc. Who knows, they may become an actual story! And if you want to write a continuation of one of the things that I have written in these ramblings, feel free. Just make sure to give credit to the person that supplied the idea (****NIX'S WARDEN) and write to your heart's content. Have at thee with them challenges!**

**********And once again, criticism is appreciated. Until then, stay frosty.**

**********Rein Hellfire out.**


	3. Blackwing

**Update: I am doing a 'Let's read' of My Immortal. It will be posted on my blog. The link is in the profile, so go check that out.**

**A/N: Well. I'm certainly not reading pure Naruto fanfiction for a long, long ass time. Harry Potter fanfiction as well. You want to know why? Yaoi. Now, while I have nothing against homosexuals, I do have a problem when the first hundred stories I read are extremely poorly written boy love. I had absolutely no idea that a guy could fuck another guy in a hundred ways, all of them unique and different. I had no desire to know that a guy could fuck a guy in a hundred different ways, and I certainly did not want to know the ways that the various orifices on the human body could be used to insert-**

**I'm going to hurl. Excuse me.**

**Also, this one guy recommended the fanfic 'My Immortal' to me. Biggest mistake that I've made this past week. I literally read the first line, and immediately gave up. That piece of 'literature' (and I use the word literature very, very loosely) is the prime example of how NOT to write a good fic.**

**I kind of thank any divine being that may exist that fanfiction allows us to sort things by favorites and reviews, because that means that I can view the good content without having to sort through millions and millions of shit-fics.**

**Fate:Zero Hour Redux is still being worked on. Chapter five is undergoing heavy revision, after I realized that I had devoted 5000 words on Zouken's torture. Five thousand. Yeah, it was a bit excessive. I'm revising that, so the newest chapter should be up in a couple of weeks or so.**

**This next idea is one of the more insane ones that have been running around in my skull. If you don't like it, completely understandable. If you do, petition for its publish. In the meantime, enjoy.**

**Yo. Rein Hellfire here. This is... A new story. Or, let me be more specific. These are little snippets of what could POTENTIALLY be new stories. Basically, this is a little box of insanity where I post story snippits, one-shots that may become full-fledged, etcetera. Whether these ideas become actual fics or not is up to you, the reader, to decide.**

**Basically, I'm writing these things just for fun...**

**Enjoy, and remember. Sanity is overrated.**

**WARNING! The following fiction(s) contains the following:**

**Crack.**

**Emo-ness.**

**Bad humor.**

**Oc-ness.**

**Alternate universes.**

**Bashing.**

**Character death.**

**General stupidity.**

**Swearing, and crass language in general.**

**Ranting.**

**Illogical fights.**

**Idiot-balls.**

**Extremely long A/Ns.**

**And general insanity overall.**

**Viewer discretion is advised.**

**And one last thing: I don't own any anime or manga that is referenced or directly referred to in this story, nor do I own the characters, plot, etc. Basically, I don't own a single damn thing. Not even these ideas.**

**Fail Three: Blackwing**

**Summary: As we all know, Gabriel Blessing has written a story that takes place after Fate/Stay Night (In Flight). As we all know, I have written a story that takes place in the Type-Moon universe (Fate: Zero Hour). You can see where I'm going with this.**

Naruto Uzumaki blinked as he dodged another sword, that threatened to take his head off.

"Oi, oi... Is that really necessary-"

He cursed and jumped back as that same katana threatened to impale him in the sternum.

"... Violent woman. Shikamaru was right, women are-"

He blocked a kick that would have connected with his groin.

"Now that's evil. You demon woman! Are you trying to kill me?"

Another kick to his groin was his response.

"... You suck, Miya. Did you know that?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I offend you, _Uzumaki-san?!_"

The blond-haired man shrugged. "A little, considering you're trying to kill me."

"Hold still so I can remove that flopping thing between your legs."

The blond shuddered and immediately ran away, jumping over the fence that seperated Izumo Inn from the outside world. "Screw this. If you're going to continue being a psycho, I'm getting out of here.

Miya blanched.

"Put some clothes on! You're practically naked!"

Indeed, the blond was only wearing a towel, exposing his chest for the entire world to see.

"What's wrong, Miya? Is there a problem?"

The purple-haired woman turned a funny shade of puce, before exploding.

"INDECENT ACTS ARE FORBIDDEN IN IZUMO INN!"

* * *

Shirou Emiya sighed, in complete discontent. Just how did things come to a head like this?

Oh right, his crazy Uncle had barged into his life.

"Shirou-tan, just what is your relationship with Naruto-san?" Matsu inquired, the red-haired bespectacled woman pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose.

Shirou grunted. "The crazy bastard? He's my 'uncle'."

Crashes and loud thumping noises could be heard outside the doorway, where Shirou and Matsu were sitting.

"Miya's pissed."

"No shit."

The purple-haired woman stilled and turned menacingly towards Shirou and Matsu.

"Swearing is prohibited in front of Kusano." She then turned back and began attacking the half-nude blond magus again.

Shirou turned mechanically to the side, where Kusano was off to the side, making a slight jittering noise.

"Hmm. That's interesting." The red-haired magus collapsed to the ground and began weeping.

"Why. Why, why can't I have a normal day for once?" He weeped, completely out of character because of all of the stress and horror of the day.

"Shirou-sama!" That would be Musubi, who had just glomped him.

Ah, that's right. A normal day in Shirou Emiya's world? Completely out of the question.

**And, we're done.**

**This is really short, but I didn't feel like writing a lot. I think I'm going to go to sleep, because I actually am feeling really tired. Lucky me. At least exams are pretty much over. Finals are in two weeks, then we dick around for another week before it's finally Summer Vacation. Yay.**

**So yeah, this was one of the more insane ideas that have been plaguing me. I still have no idea whether or not I'm up to the challenge of writing a sequel to Fate:Zero Hour, mainly because with the way I'm changing the timeline in the Fate universe, I'm going to have to crank out original content for essentially the entire story. Have no idea whether I can do that, but we shall see. **

**This obviously takes place after the sequel of Fate: Zero Hour Redux. Based on the same premise as In Flight. And that's pretty much it. Feel free to run away with this however you feel. All of the ideas in these ramblings can be used at your own discretion, just give credit to the originator of said ideas.**

**Rein Hellfire: Going to go lie down after a long day.**


	4. One-Shot Wonder: Once and Future King

**A/N:**

**I am in fact writing one-shots now. As something to pass the time, really. I may or may not continue them if I get positive reception. This is a way to get the stress out, and the horri-bad ideas out of my head.**

**All one-shots will be titled 'One-Shot Wonder:' followed by the actual title of the fic.**

**That's just a heads up.**

**And now, for the disclaimer.**

**WARNING! The following fiction(s) contains the following:  
Crack.  
Emo-ness.  
Bad humor.  
Oc-ness.  
Alternate universes.  
Bashing.  
Character death.  
General stupidity.  
Swearing, and crass language in general.  
Ranting.  
Illogical fights.  
Idiot-balls.  
Extremely long A/Ns.  
And general insanity overall.**

**Viewer discretion is advised. Enjoy.**

**And one last thing: I don't own any anime or manga that is referenced or directly referred to in this story, nor do I own the characters, plot, etc. Basically, I don't own a single damn thing. Not even these ideas.**

**Viewer discretion is advised.**

**One-Shot Wonder: Once and Future King.**

**Evangelion and Fate/Stay Night.**

**Summary: Shinji Ikari. Son of Gendo Ikari and Yui Ikari. Pilot of a bio-mechanical construct known as an Evangelion. And, he just so happens to be the reincarnation of a king that reigned over a wet isle in the old country. And there is no mistake, this boy is a king. The one who ruled once shall come again. And so a King shall return.**

Shinji Ikari lay awake in his bed, staring at a white ceiling.

"Unfamiliar ceiling..."

He had been abandoned. His father, Gendo Ikari, had foisted him off onto his uncle. Casting him away, like some unworthy sack of flesh, like some untouchable, some leper, some disease.

His father didn't want him. Not after his mother had died.

And that was how this little boy found himself. Staring at an unfamiliar ceiling, sleeping in an unfamiliar bed, living with unfamiliar guardians.

And that was how this little boy went to sleep, musing on his unfortunate circumstances. He cried himself to sleep.

Why? Why did his father abandon him? Why did mother have to leave? Why was this happening?

Shinji Ikari wept. Wept, and despaired.

This cycle continued, for quite some time. His guardians could only watch, watch and try to comfort the sad boy. Try to give him some support, and hope that it could be enough.

(Line break Button Broken. Sour.)

One night, Shinji Ikari began dreaming. Now, this may not seem like a significant event. However, the nature of this dream was highly unusual.

A sword. That was the primary focus of his dream, the crux, the point. A sword. A magnificent, golden sword. A King's sword, a ruler's sword, a lord's sword. A sword fit for one who has dominion over his vassals. A classic, straight-edged European broadsword, a holy blade of light.

And he remembered its name.

Caliburn.

The sword was stuck in a stone, tip and blade embedded in hard unyielding rock. The sword and stone rested on top of a grassy hill, in a strange island country.

And on that stone, words were written. These words were in English, yet Shinji Ikari had no difficulty in deciphering the language, although he had not learned a single speck of English in his life.

Shinji remembered that inscription, remembered that stone.

He knew what it read.

'Whosoe'er pulleth out this sword of this stone is rightwise king born of England.'

Shinji remembered walking up to the sword in the stone. He remembered, grasping the hilt, feeling warm metal, heated from the sun's rays. He remembered pulling the magnificent sword free, golden blade shining as it was extracted from its prison.

And he remembered the light that filled the area.

As Shinji Ikari woke, from that dream, from that memory that he had no right possessing, he remembered.

Caliburn. The sword that chooses kings. The Golden Sword of Assured Victory.

But why? Why did he know this sword's name? What was the reason behind this?

It didn't matter. All that Shinji Ikari knew, was that that dream was one of the most peaceful he had had in a while.

(Line Break Button broken. Sour.)

And so it begins. The King that appears at the end of the world returns. A thousand step journey has been undertaken. A sword, recovered. A lost soul, reborn.

A King, resurrected like Lazarus from the long sleep. And he shall sing, a song of salvation, glory, sanctity. And the light of his soul shall shine through the city, and those that behold him shall know that he is the rightful king.

(Line break Button Broken. Sour.)

2015 AD, Tokyo-3

One Misaro Katsuragi cursed vehemently as she sped through the streets of the fortress city known as Tokyo-3.

Of all the times-!

In the distance, a massive behemoth lumbered, an enormous vaguely humanoid figure, with a stylized bird-like mask on what appeared to be its head. It was currently being harried by various military aircraft, bullets spewing from barrels, VTOLs buzzing about the giant like flies, or giant insects buzzing around a source of food.

The weapons were doing piss-poor damage to the behemoth. As in, one could throw water balloons filled with urine at it and do more damage.

Sachiel had arrived. He came, he saw. He destroyed.

(Line break Button... It's FUCKING BROKEN!)

"Due to the special emergency, all lines are currently unavailable."

A slim hand promptly hung up the phone, the owner of said hand realizing that he gained nothing from listening to an endlessly looping message.

Shinji Ikari sighed, in slight exasperation.

Oh, he knew that there was danger out there. His warrior's intuition allowed him to know that something, something was not right with the world.

But he could do nothing about it. Not in this position.

The sound of rotors grew louder. He turned his head, to see a helicopter, discharging its missiles at-

Wait. What was that thing? A giant? Just what was going on in Tokyo-3?

That thing was abnormal. That thing... That was not of the domain of man. Greater, lesser and more than what a puny mind could comprehend. So mighty that the ground shook with each step it took.

A spear of red shot out from an arm. Impaling a harrying helicopter. The helicopter fell.

Shinji Ikari watched on, slipping into a calm state of mind, oddly enough. Where others would have panicked, this boy retained his resolve.

The boy, no, young man, analyzed the situation with a steady, practiced eye.

It was at that moment that a sports car sped into view, screeching to a halt. The door opened.

"Get in!"

Shinji raised an eyebrow.

"You're Misato Katsuragi?"

The woman driving the car was dressed in a tight purple one-piece, face obscured by large sunglasses.

"Yes! Never mind that, hurry up and get in!"

Shinji got into the car, which promptly sped away, making several reckless turns and moving at considerably more than the speed limit.

Misato sighed.

"That was close. You idiot! Why did you just stand there? We could have been killed by that... That thing!"

Shinji closed his eyes.

"We're still alive, aren't we?"

Misato sighed.

"What's with that reaction?"

Shinji said nothing.

"...You're a conversationalist, huh?"

Silence.

Misato sighed.

"In any case... You're probably wondering about that giant that was attacking, right? Well... That's what we call an Angel."

Part of Shinji's mind wondered why on earth they would call a gods-damned demon an Angel of all things. Abomination seemed like a better fitting term.

Of course, he didn't actually voice this thought.

"So..." Misato mused. "You're Shinji Ikari."

"Yes."

"Don't talk much, huh?"

"Making meaningless quips at a time when we are fleeing for our lives doesn't seem to be conductive in any way, shape, or form."

Misato sighed.

"Well, you're cheery." She turned her head to regard the boy, causing his eyes to widen in horror.

Who the hell turns away from the road when they're driving?! Shinji didn't want to die! Je was quite fond of living!

Misato raised an eyebrow. At first glance, the boy seemed to be quite normal. He dressed in a black coat and black jeans, with a crimson shirt underneath the coat. He looked almost nothing like his father, Gendo Ikari. Shinji seemed to take after his mother in that regard. He wasn't solidly built, but he wasn't completely skinny.

However, on looking at his face, she paused. While Shinji wasn't completely unattractive (He was more 'cute' than handsome', there was a palpable aura around him. It was as if Shinji Ikari was more than human, and she could tell that he was different. Unique. Almost as if she was in the presence of nobility of sorts.

Hell, even the little fidgeting movements he was making were graceful! Add that to the fact that Shinji didn't seem to be panicking, like any other teenager his age would probably have been! He as cool as a cucumber!

Who the hell is this guy?

They continued driving on in complete silence.

"So. You're the one sent me that photo?"

Misato grinned.

"You like it?"

"I find your perverse sense of humor deplorable."

Her face fell. "Oh, you have got to be shitting me."

**A/N:**

**Heh. And that's how things started for our Once and Future King.**

**ALL HAIL SHINJI IKARI! No, not really lol.**

**Yeah, this thing was pretty bad. I don't know WHAT I was thinking...**

**This entire one-shot came to me in a dream. It actually, came to me in a dream. I blame Evangelion and Warhammer 40k for this. Curse my strange imagination!**

**For the record, I am basing King Arthur off of the one from Fate/Prototype. You know, the one that was ACTUALLY a GUY?! Well, kind of, but not really. Gah! I'm tired!**

**Other Fate/Stay characters would have made their appearances, if I was going to continue this story.  
As for pairings, well... Hmm. I don't rightly know. If I continued this, I'd probably throw my hands up in frustration, say 'Fuck it all', and get on with making a harem pairing.**

**I may or may not continue writing this after I finish F:ZHR. Really depends on the reception that I get for this one-shotesque thing.**


	5. Once and Future King: CHALLENGE

**A/N:**

**Some more snippets from my 'King Shinji' idea.**

**Need I say it? I don't own jack-shit. Nothing.**

**Enjoy. Viewer discretion is advised.**

The massive beam fell, threatening to crush the blue-haired girl, and then-

Shinji Ikari was there. He was there, and he was-

Misato gaped.

"Is he holding that massive-"

Shinji raised an eyebrow, blue orbs boring into his 'father's' own glasses-covered visage.

"Some help would have been appreciated."

(Line break button broken. Fucking sour.)

"It's like," Misato mused. "It's like he was BORN to pilot an Evangelion."

The entire bridge crew watched as Shinji took apart the Third Angel as if he were dismantling a fence made of rotten wood.

It was... Glorious. The boy was skilled in combat, of that everybody was certain.

Gendo Ikari smirked.

"As expected. Even the powers...! Yes, he has truly awakened to who he was."

"Strike Air: HAMMER OF THE WIND KING!"

"Though I wonder, just how... How shall I screw with him this time around?"

Gendo Ikari, reincarnation of Merlin, smirked as he lounged in his chair.

(Line break button broken. Fucking sour.)

"Rei Ayanami." Shinji said, pacing next to the blue-haired girl's hospital bed. "Who exactly are you, Rei Ayanami."

"I..."

"Yes, who are you? Why does that man..." Shinji spat. "... Inspire such... Abject loyalty in you?"

"To serve the commander is my purpose. For that matter, pilot Ikari-"

"Ikari, if you must refer to me as such. I am no mere pilot."

"... Ikari then. But I must inquire. If you are not a 'mere' pilot, then... What are you?"

Shinji grinned.

"A knight. That is the sum of what I am."

(Line break button broken. Fucking sour.)

The boy... No, the man snarled.

"Abomination."

A golden light rippled over his form, and when it had faded, he was clad in silver armor.

An armored foot took a step. A blade, a blade of wind was hefted, shrieking wrath and abject fury at the abomination that would dare-

"They are my countrymen. I won't allow you to hurt them."

And so it was, that one armored figure stood defiantly against the floating fortress that was Ramiel. The alien cube paused in its action, as if bewildered by the being that stood against it, puzzled by this alien entity.

Yes, Shinji Ikari wasn't human. He could not be human. He would always, by the nature of his birth stand above humanity. And the Angel recognized that fact, and for a moment stalled.

"You seek to destroy me, abomination. To rend my body to dust, to flay my atoms apart, to end me, to kill me. To kill everybody, end everything."

The man bared his teeth in a feral grin.

"I reject that. I reject your reality. I do not know if you understand me. I highly doubt, that you are able to understand me. But here and now, I shall pass judgement. The crime, is the harming of one of my subjects."

Shinji closed his eyes.

"The punishment is death."

And the Angel fired its positron beam, a shaft of light and destruction and death.

Shinji Ikari raised a hand, as if to block the beam. It was a laughable attempt.

That is, until golden light bathed his form, shimmering, glowing light that bespoke peace and purity and holiness.

It was pure, and the representation of who and what Shinji Ikari was. It was a light of salvation.

The beam struck the light and-

The deadly positron laser was halted.

It fizzled out shortly afterwards.

There was, for a moment, silence. Before a massive wind appeared, emanating from the invisible blade that belonged to the boy-king.

(Line break button broken. Fucking sour.)

In a hospital bed, Rei Ayanami closed her crimson eyes.

"It shines. His sword shines, a dream that all warriors scattered in battle, past, present, and future, hold and mournfully exalt as their final moments approach. He carries their will as her pride, bidding them to remain steadfast in their loyalty."

She opened her eyes, slowly.

"And so, that King of Knights, he shall lift his blade, standing defiant against the host of darkness. And behold! He shall grant salvation through fire. And so it shall be, that all of those who observe his glorious battle, all of those who see that shining blade that is salvation...

All of them shall know that blade's name, and the one who shouts its name to the four corners of the earth, who shines as the personification of what a paragon of battle should be. For the King who sings mournfully over the battlefield, a sad sound. That is the sword of a King, a sword of miracles. That sword is-"

(Line break button broken. Fucking sour.)

"EX-"

The blade was lifted, over Shinji Ikari's head, bereft of its original packaging, bereft of the winds that concealed its glorious form.

It was indeed, a blade of Kings. Its golden form could only belong to a Good King, could only be a thing of beauty.

"-CALIBUR!"

The sword fell, swung by one who was a modern knight in a modern era. And a pillar of gold fire came into being, conjured by this King of Knights, this leader of men.

Whereas the light before was one of peaceful Salvation, this light symbolized 'Salvation through Fire'.

Ramiel's form was engulfed in all-consuming light, incinerating its form, decimating it, eradicating it. A purification by fire, a pillar of gold that was the essence of the blade that symbolized Shinji Ikari.

And that was how Ramiel died.

With a sigh, Shinji Ikari lowered his magnificent sword. His armor faded, his sword disappeared.

And then he collapsed and pitched forward into the ground.

(Line break button broken. Fucking sour.)

Rei clasped her hands, as if in prayer.

"And all will know who that King is, at the end of the day. For he will be remembered. That is an absolute."

She lowered her head.

"It is my honor to serve you in any way possible, my liege."

**A/N:**

**So, here's how things WOULD have panned out. Some notes that I devised in the creation of the one-shot are posted below.**

**Shinji Ikari: Arthur Pendragon, King of Knights  
Rei Ayanami: Lancelot du Lac, the Knight of the Lake  
Asuka Langley Sohryu: Gilgamesh of Uruk, King of Heroes  
Gendo Ikari: Merlin, advisor to King Arthur.  
Touji Suzuhara: Alexander the Great, King of Conquerors  
Kensuke Aida: Enkidu, friend of Gilgamesh  
Kaworu Nagisa (Tabris): Morgan le Fay, King Arthur's half-sister (The one he supposedly 'boinked' to conceive Mordred. That Morgan.)**

**-Not going to be posted in the Fate/Stay category. Is not really a crossover. More like NGE with F/S elements.**

**-Alterations required to powers. Excalibur and Avalon belong to Shinji. Caliburn? Maybe? Excalibur and Avalon must be more powerful.**

**-Rei Ayanami. Weapon. Lance of Longinus? As Lancelot, the one of the Lance? Yes. Could work.**

**-Gendo. Keep as manipulative bastard? No. Replace with Merlin, who is still manipulative bastard.**

**-Just Shinji 'remembers' past life? No. Make several characters in main cast 'remember.'**

**-Pairing. Harem pairing? Possibly. May keep it gen, but pairing might be preferable.**

**A/N:**

**And, those are my notes. Somehow, I like this idea. I don't know why, but I like it.**

**I am taking massive liberties with King Arthur's abilities. Super-human strength and endurance is an obvious one, not to mention OP Excalibur and Avalon. I'd do the same for anyone who 'remembered' their past life, as in they'd gain all of the abilities they had in said past life. Because I can.**

**That being said, I'm going to go post it as a challenge now. If anyone wants to complete this fic... Fucking go for it. I'll happily give my endorsement if that's what it takes.**

**I really hope someone takes this up. If not, I'll try to finish it myself sometime in the future. No promises though.**

**Rein Hellfire: Signing out.**


	6. One-Shot Wonder: God-like Harry?

**A/N:**

**An INSANE one-shot that popped into my head after reading a God!Harry fanfic. My take on what a God-like character would be like, though tis but a small snippet.**

**My apologies in advance to any individuals this one-shot may offend. **

**On with the disclaimer.  
**

**WARNING! The following fiction(s) contains the following:**

**Crack.**

**Emo-ness.**

**Bad humor.**

**Oc-ness.**

**Alternate universes.**

**Bashing.**

**Character death.**

**General stupidity.**

**Swearing, and crass language in general.**

**Ranting.**

**Illogical fights.**

**Idiot-balls.**

**Extremely long A/Ns.**

**And general insanity overall.**

**Viewer discretion is advised. Enjoy.**

**And one last thing: I don't own any anime or manga (Or book) that is referenced or directly referred to in this story, nor do I own the characters, plot, etc. Basically, I don't own a single damn thing. Not even these ideas.**

**One-shot Wonder: God-like Harry **

**Harry Potter**

* * *

"_**God? I suppose that is an apt term**_." Harry mused. "_**Yes. I could be called God**_."

"Blasphemy! Lies!"

"**_God. Devil. Monster. Hero. One might call me the world, or the solar system. Maybe the galaxy. You might even call me the universe. I encompass everything. Nothing is beneath my sight. I am you. You are born from me. Therefore, I am one, and one is all. I create entire worlds within the palm of my hand_**."

Green eyes glinted malevolently.

_**"I am one who plays with the lives of men and women. You are so far beneath me, it is like an a small dust mite staring at a stone colossus. My name, in this incarnation, is Harry Potter. And I am done taking your measure. Disappear before my eyes. Let your molecules scatter in the wind like dust before the storm. Vaporize. Annihilate. Combust**_."

The small black-haired boy began walking towards the pale, trembling ab-human thing.

"No! Stay back! No!"

Step by step, an inexorable march of death. Step. By. Step. And the being that was Lord Voldemort scrambled back, and back, giving away more and more ground, in an attempt to get away from this... This THING.

And the onlookers, defenders of Hogwarts and Death Eaters alike, watched in awe, as the most feared Dark Lord in the past half-century WET HIMSELF.

Step. Another step, the ring of shoe against stone echoing mockingly in the Great Hall. Voldemort fled. He didn't even bother trying to fight. He just backed up, until his back hit a wall.

The 'fight' response kicked in shortly afterwards.

"Avada Kedrava!"

The green jet of light BOUNCED OFF of Harry Potter. It didn't even faze him, not in the slightest.

"A... Avada Kedrava!"

Nothing. No. Effect.

"Avada Kedrava! Avada Kedrava! Avada Kedrava!"

Zero. Zilch. Nada. Absolutely. No. Effect.

"Avada Kedrava! WHY WON'T YOU DIE?!" Voldemort sobbed, screaming, crying in abject terror at this monster he had unleashed.

It was so far above human comprehension that attempting to understand it... That could not happen. So alien in nature that even one such as Voldemort could FEEL it, that Harry Potter was so much GREATER than a man...

And that was the worst part, KNOWING THAT he was so much MORE-

And then he was THERE. Before Voldemort. Small hands touched the doomed man's face, in an almost tender embrace.

"Why... Who... How..." Tom Riddle blubbered.

Harry smiled.

"**_I told you. I am you. All is one. One is all. I created you, you know. Created you on a whim. And so, I'll end your existence on a whim._**"

"No... Please! Please! Don't! Don't!"

"**_Don't worry Tom! You'll stay alive! Maybe I'll reincarnate you as a Jellyfish or something!_**"

"No! No! NO! NOOO! NO-"

"**_Farewell, you petulant brat. I'd visit you in Hell, but Satan and I aren't on good terms right now_**." Harry said cheerfully over the snake-like being's screams.

Harry James Potter took hold of his foe's arms.

_And he scattered him across the base earth like the dust from whence he came_.

Until nothing but a red paste, and a rising crimson vapor was all that was left of the once-Lord Voldemort.

Harry blew out a deep breath.

"_**Good riddance. For all of the lives that you ruined, this was an apt revenge. Burn forever, in the depths of Hell, Tom Marvolo Riddle. So it was said, so it shall be done.**_ "

* * *

**A/N:**

**:D**

**That was just a snippet. If I ever made a God!Harry story, things like creating life and making suns and planets populated with life wouldn't be too far off. Kekeke.**

**Once again, apologies if I offended anyone with this. Sorry?**


	7. Challenge: A Flash of Yellow

**A/N:**

**For once, a semi-serious story. Why? Well. Why not? I'm allowed to write and post what I want, when I want to. And because my muse says so, so ha!**

**Running disclaimer.**

**Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to TV Tokyo and Masashi Kishimoto. Please support the official release.**

**Warnings: Blood and gore, possibly sexual phrases (If you look at it closely), OOC, AU (heavily so, at that), pretty shitty author, bad grammar and syntax at places, possibly Mary Sues, OCs, limited understanding of what-the-hell-Naruto-verse-mechanics are, don't-know-WTF-is-going-on-in-the-manga, overuse of stock phrases, bad humor, extremely long warnings, overuse of commas, and generally...**

**Insane author.**

**Viewer discretion is advised.**

Rein Hellfire presents...

A new project.

A new story.

A new Hop- lol no.

A Flash of Yellow

* * *

_No._

Kakashi ran desperately through the ruined village. He sped past the ruined buildings, past the throngs of clamoring wounded. Through the shattered gate guarded by a weary looking chunin, who waved him through.

_No._

Because, Kakashi had seen what had befallen, fought a veritable force of nature. He had seen, seen the monstrous Chakra-beast roar, fire Bijuudama after Bijuudama, destroy. The beast did nothing BUT destroy, for it was beyond human comprehension.

Nine crimson tails had whipped about. A snarling maw had howled, a sound of primal wrath and fury and abject terror.

The Nine-tailed demon fox had, mere hours ago, attacked the ninja village of Konoha.

And then there was a muted flash of gold, and the Fourth was there. He saved the wounded and dead, before proceeding to teleport the beast somewhere else.

That was hours ago. And Minato Namikaze had not returned. The Fox, had also not returned.

And so it was, that Kakashi was ordered to search for the missing Hokage. His sensei, and the leader of the strongest Shinobi village, Konoha.

This was why he ignored the wind whipping through his grey hair, ignored the aching of his weary muscles after the futile struggle to contain the terrible Fox before the Fourth had saved the village, ignored the rising sense of dread and fear-

Fear for his sensei, because the likelihood was strong that his sensei was dead.

And so Kakashi pressed onwards, until he reached a devastated clearing.

A devastated clearing.

Gouges scraped through the base earth. Trees felled, ground scorched, to reveal a vast expanse of wasteland. And in the middle of that wasteland was...

... A baby?

A blond-haired infant, wrapped in a blue blanket, lying on the ground.

Kakashi blinked.

_What the hell?_

No sign of the terrible beast. No sign of the Hokage.

... What?

It was just a baby, but...

"Where did you come from?"

The fourth had never married, and the fourth had never had a CHILD of all things. Not to mention-

It was then that Kakashi's eye found the seal on the child's body.

Oh god.

Oh god.

"Minato, what have you done?" He murmured softly, as he picked up the baby gingerly.

And that begins the journey of the person who became known as Naruto Namikaze. In a world where a clan of red-haired sealing masters never fell, a world where a bright, chronically late Uchiha never died, a world where _Minato Namikaze never met Kushina Uzumaki_, a world of trolling death-gods that had strangely twisted ideas of what a 'toll' should be.

A world of hatred, where war and death ran rampant.

Naruto Uzumaki (Namikaze) was destined to live in interesting times, no matter what universe he lived in.

And little Naruto slept on, unaware of chaos, or war, or hatred. Unaware of the great destiny that was laid out for him. Unaware that he was host to the most powerful Tailed-beast on the continent, unaware of who he used to be.

Unaware of who he would become.

He clenched a tri-pronged kunai in his hand. It would be taken away shortly after it was discovered by a bustling orphanage matron, but until then, it would serve as an anchor.

A memento. A memento of a past life lived and lost.

A flash of yellow... And it was all gone.

**A/N:**

**In this AU I set up, here's how things went down. **

**-First major change comes in three parts.**

**1. Uzugakure survives, because Konohagakure lent aid to them when they were besieged by their enemies.**

**2. Because Uzu is now an active ally of Konoha, Konoha takes less casualties during the Third Shinobi War. Obito and Rin survive. Yes, I just did that.**

**3. Kushina Uzumaki never comes to Konoha to become the Jinchuruki of the Nine-tails. Instead, some... Other guy is chosen. Somehow, he/she loses control of the beast, leading to the razing of Konoha. This would have been explained in future chapters.**

**-Second change. The shinigami is a troll. Interpret that however you will. Or I could be blatant about it.**

**You know how Tony Stark IS Iron Man? Or Bruce Wayne IS Batman?**

**Naruto Namikaze IS Minato Namikaze. Again, interpret that however you will...**

**I began writing this because my muse said so. I'm probably going to end things here because I have no idea (right now) where to go with this.**

**If anyone wants to write a continuation of this fic, go ahead and PM me. Or I might continue it myself.**

_**In fact, I challenge you! Write a continuation of this idea! I give my blessing! Is there no one who volunteers as tribute?**_

**As for pairings... That's up in the air, really lol. Might keep it gen, might not.**


End file.
